I awoke this morning to a dull tooth ache. Enough to keep me awake, but not enough to call ‘pain’. So I got up in the dark to walk the dog. Walking out into the frosty morning, I could hear the birds calling, fluttering, darting in an new determination from place to place above my head. As I walked, I disturbed a tawny owl from right overhead. Doesn’t it just go to show how you never really know when you’re being watched.
I walked as the light quickly grew. At this time of year, the sun is really in a hurry to awaken the day. Twilight grows perceptibly from night to light; the liminal time lasts barely ten minutes now. I have to be aware with every step of the transition around me, for it goes in the blink of an eye, from the deep magic of dawn to the mundanity of day.
Yesterday I went to the dentist for a filling on what seemed to be an average-looking hole in my tooth. Of course it turns out that the nerve was damaged and a lot more drilling had to be done. Today I have been awoken and kept very aware by this very real discomfort. As I walked I explored these pain signals in my mouth, my face, even my eyes seemed to be reacting to the pain. The Beast has been awoken. All I can do now is endure it until the nerves calm down again and the bruising of the drilling subsides. Endure, or find a way to make aquantance with it, being with it in its overwhelming waves in my jaw.
Two existences occurring at once: my personal pain and the eternal turning of the Sun. These things too shall pass. The day turns to night, the night turns to day. What overwhelms me today will pass in time. The relief in the liminal space that I feel as the pain begins to surrender to the calm of non-pain. I am not controlling this change. It is just happening and taking me along with it.
All things will pass. And before they do, they will have a rythmn, a pulse. Today I am captured by this pulse and I have no choice but to face the Beast.